Madi is in Preschool!!

I can't believe my kiddo is old enough to be in Preschool. this is the first year she has gone. She has talked about school for the last year but I kept telling her she had to be able to do certain things when she goes potty to be able to go. It was a struggle with her to get her potty trained due to us moving so much. But she finally has the hang of it and she is so proud she gets to be in school. I dont know if this kid has one shy bone in her body. She talks to anyone that talks to her. Anywhere we go... She has an awesome personality and is full of life. She is VERY strong willed. But she is determined. She concentrates with everything she does and she LOVES her art. Anything that has to do with coloring, painting, cutting or "projects" she is ALL about! It was not hard for me to drop her off because I knew she was ready. But then again I was too! It might be different when she is in kindergarten and gone from me all day everyday. But when we got to her school she said ok bye mom. I am like um can I get a kiss at least! She ran up to me and said thank you for bringing me to school! And she jumped right in.

Can you tell she was excited?!?

She loves her backpack and lunch box. She picked em out herself. She LOVES monkeys. Can you tell! Well on her backpack is a monkey too you just can't see it!

Thanks for lighting up my life Madison. I would not be the same person without you!

THoughts for today

So here I am sitting, thinking about my day. Which in turn gets me to thinking about my life. I was told I say too many sad things on facebook when I update my status. When the truth is that is how I feel. I dont only write things that make it seem like my life is perfect and happy. I write things that are truthful. If I'm having a good day I let everyone know, but I also say when I'm having a hard time. I have literally been through hell and back the last few years of my life. I have done a lot of soul searching and come to realize it wasnt the people around me that was the issue, the issue was within me. So when I finally discovered what was going on, I took a step left and started walking forward again. I did this in Feb. That was when my life turned around. I finally started moving forward, instead of living in the past and worrying about what had happened and started looking forward to what could happen. But just when I get to the point that I love my life, it gets turned upside down again. Jason and I def have not had the best marriage. We have struggled a lot. But we have made it through. And I know we can make it through anything. This is our third deployment in 5 years. Im gonna lay out a timeline for those of you who don't know.

We got married Feb 2005. He deployed Aug 2005-Nov 2006. He was home from Nov 2006-March 2008. He then deployed again March 2008-April 2009. He was home from April 2009-June 2010. So far to date he has been deployed 32 months of our 66 months of marriage. But the thing that a lot of people dont get. Its so much harder for him to come home and get adjusted then it is for him to leave. We are used to a routine and have things down packed and then this man comes back into our lives and wants to fit in. So the whole routine gets messed up. And when we finally get around to it being ok, he leaves again.

So people say this is your third deployment you should know what to expect by now. That is not the case at all. Jason and I's marriage and relationship is in a lot better place now then it ever has been, and he is A LOT busier this deployment then the last two combined. Putting those two together means we barely get to talk. He isnt getting off work til 1 or 2 am, his night is my day and my night is his day. So when he is gettin up goin to work, Im goin to bed. We talk a lot less this deployment then any others. Which last deployments it was too much how much we could talk cuz he wasnt busy. So it was overbearing how much we talked. (if this is making sense) He calls about 2-3 times a week and yes we do talk on messenger but its just not the same. I have found myself more depressed this deployment then any others. I know I have to be strong for Madi. I know I cant lay in bed all day, but there are days where I don't want to get out of bed. Madi has been great with dealing with seeing her mom cry. She pats my back and comforts me. That is how she was with me today. She knows I get sad. She knows I miss daddy. She knows when to let me cry and she knows when to make me smile. She has been my world these past few months and I could not imagine my life without her.

So when I am sad, I will be sad. When I am happy, I will be happy. I know once Mason comes I will be even more busy and then will be working my butt off to lose weight and that will keep me busy too. I just want these next few weeks to fly and get this baby out!!

July in a nutshell!

July has gone by pretty fast for me. Madi and I stayed busy. Spending most of our time at the YMCA. We get a free membership while Jason is deployed so may as well take advantage right? Madi has been taking swim lessons in the morning and has been doin great. She is quite the little fish! She even got her first ribbon and was SO proud of herself!!

There is a waterpark out in Anthem that we have gone to a few times too. Madi was very afraid of going under the big bucket the first time, but after all her swim lessons she is becoming more brave of water hitting her face. I got her to go under it 4 times the last time we went! We will have to go again for sure!

We also got to find out we are having a BOY! Oh man I so wish Jason could have been there with me. Just hearing his reaction over the phone was priceless. I just wish I coulda seen his face and shared it with him. Madi and my mom were there and it was fun to have them with me. Jason is excited he finally gets his boy! Me on the other hand, I'm nervous. I know girls. I don't know boys. Im hoping it just comes naturally like it did with Madi. So wanna know his name? Here ya go!!

I have been having fun shopping for Mason. But I am still finding myself going back to the girl section. My mom and I are making the cutest blanket for him! Its all about trucks, robots, cars and bugs!! Can't wait to post pics. I have bought outfits for him too. Its actually kinda fun shopping for something different. Jason and I got rid of EVERYTHING from when Madi was a baby. I kept somethings that I loved of hers like favorite outfits and stuff. We really werent planning on having any more kids. So I am starting over again! But thats ok I know he will be worth it.

With July gone, it means another month closer to Jason coming home. I am glad he will get to be here in Sept. But its hard doing the long part at the end of the deployment. Mason will be 9 months old when he gets back. I pray Jason gets to be here for the birth of his son. He missed Madi's birth by about 16 hours. He was on his way home and just missed it. Madi was not waiting any longer. So I pray Mason can hold out and at least wait til his daddy gets here. Well 2 months are down and only 1o more to go!